Category Archives: Laughs

The funniest thing I’ve ever heard of…

I’m now 33 years old, and have lived in rural communities most of my life.  Why is today the first time I’ve heard of “Cow Patty Bingo?”

I’m at the office working, minding my own business, when Amy (the lady who works customer service) gives me a few community announcements to put on our community bulletin board.  Here’s what I had to put on for all to see:

Now, obviously, we know by the description that cow patty bingo involves the use of cow patties.  What I didn’t know is HOW the cow patties come into “play”.  See, the players mark off a designated area, and create a bunch of 3 foot by 3 foot squares.  They number the squares and sell off tickets with those numbers on them.  Then they turn a willing bovine participant (hopefully not constipated) loose in the fenced off area, and they wait.  What are they waiting on?  A cow patty of course! (they need a cow to produce a cow patty I’m told).  When the cow produces its game piece, a winner is determined by the square it falls on. 

Too bad the name of the game “shooting craps” was already taken when the drunk farmer who came up with this game was looking for a name!

Oh, it’s on youtube too, just so you know I’m telling the truth (pay close attention to what the guy with the camera is saying!)

Tagged ,

What is it?


What is it?

Originally uploaded by worshipeldertj

I know what this is… Let’s see if anyone else can guess what I took a picture of today with my phone while driving with no glasses.

Three party politics

You’re walking down a deserted street with your wife and two small children. Suddenly, an Islamic terrorist with a huge knife comes around the corner, locks eyes with you, screams obscenities, praises Allah, raises the knife, and charges at you.

You are carrying a Glock cal 40, and you are an expert shot. You have mere seconds before he reaches you and your family.

What do you do?

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Democrat’s Answer

Well, that’s not enough information to answer the question!

Does the man look poor! Or oppressed?

Have I ever done anything to him that would inspire him to attack?

Could we run away?

What does my wife think? What about the kids?

Could I possibly swing the gun like a club and knock the knife out of his
hand?

What does the law say about this situation?

Does the Glock have appropriate safety built into it?

Why am I carrying a loaded gun anyway, and what kind of message does
this send to society and to my children?

Is it possible he’d be happy with just killing me?

Does he definitely want to kill me, or would he be content just to wound me?

If I were to grab his knees and hold on , could my family get away
while he was stabbing me?

Should I call 9-1-1 ?

Why is this street so deserted?
We need to raise taxes, have a paint and weed day and make this a
happier, healthier street that would discourage such behavior.

This is all so confusing!

I need to discuss with some friends over a latte and try to come to a
consensus.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Republican’s Answer:

BANG!
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Redneck’s Answer:

BANG! BANG! BANG! BANG! BANG! BANG! BANG! BANG! BANG! Click….
(sounds of reloading)

BANG! BANG! BANG! BANG! BANG! BANG! BANG! BANG! BANG! click

Daughter: “Nice grouping, Daddy! Were those the Winchester Silver Tips
or Hollow Points?”

Son: “You got him, Pop! Can I shoot the next one?”

Wife: “You are not taking that to the taxidermist.”

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